I am thirty.
This blog post sponsored by people who didn't live as long as I have lived (though they probably should have)...
Someone, quickly, save me from the self-loathing pity I have surrounded myself with lately. I am the big 3-oh. That's 30. Thus far, 30 is a pretty horrible feeling. You wake up realizing that you're not cool anymore. Seriously, half of the marketing professionals in the world are pretty much done with you. The only people that have interest in you anymore are:
- TV manufacturers
- Golf stores
Why? Cause your old fannie can't do anything but watch TV and hit range balls. If your profession was related to Extreme sports, you'd be retiring at this point in life.
At least you still have your health, right?
My metabolism has completely stopped. I eat everything in sight. I've gained nearly 50lbs since I started dating my wife a mere 3 years ago. Folks, that's the equivalent of carrying nearly four 12lb bowling balls on your gut every moment of your life. My blood pressure is lackluster at best. Stress? STRESS?!? Yes - stress is totally associated with age, even though scientist would tell me I am crazy. Something about turning thirty means you need to be constantly advancing your career, having a baby, and moving into a bloody new house all at the same time.
Craig, seriously, calm down. Its really not that bad...
If bad were a living in a small hut in desolate part of Africa, then yes, things could be worse -- but being age 30 in desolate Africa is like being 92 years of age in the United States -- I could spend my free moments carving rocks to use for my headstone.
Well -- At least the Wildcats are 16-0...
Thank Bloody God or you'd be pulling the shotgun out of my mouth!
...
Please don't read into this too much - I am just trying to have a bit of fun. I realize that I am a really fortunate person -- and being 30 isn't that bad, I just like to be negative for fun! Special thank you to everyone who showed up for the Tim Stark / Craig Clayton - 30 year old bash at Nicks the other night! I have the best wife in the world for setting that up. This week could be kinda bad on the blog -- got a lot of projects to finish, then i'm heading to KY for my birthday celebration, Round 2 with the grandparents. Great, another opportunity to realize I suck ...
Fact of the Day -- Kurt Cobain killed himself at age 27. I thought he was a whole lot older than that... dang, that was a long time ago!